Morally Clean Before Marriage: Happiness After by Josh Snyder

    

I’m not sure who first coined the phrase “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”, but it is one many of us have heard frequently throughout our lives. Most likely we heard it used as our mothers were reminding us to clean our rooms, to take a bath, or to try and give enlightened significance to our being crouched next to a dirty toilet with rubber gloves, cleanser and a scrub brush. Reading the phrase now may still bring a slight cringe at the memory of a dreaded task. (Mine was hand washing the dishes.)

Many years and cleaned toilets later, I began to take a different meaning from this phrase. It was when I was engaged and preparing to marry my wife Stephanie. It went from a phrase that triggered a slight cringe, to one that became a reminder of the things that matter most – seeking God’s greatest blessings for those I love.

 In every member of the human family God has placed an innate desire to be part of a family and He has done so to help us seek His greatest blessing of exaltation. Dating my wife, Stephanie and coming to know with certainty that we wanted to be together forever brought to me a deep feeling of wanting to be better, which could be described as becoming cleaner, of purging the things which would take my focus from her and our life together. It inspired me to want to be all that God knows I can be, and to do it not for myself, but for her. In time this deep feeling of selfless love would change “I” to “we” and our focus would then turn from “us” to “them” - our children. 

You’ll remember that the very first commandment God gave to Adam and Eve was to multiply and replenish (fill) the earth. God was offering to them the chance to take part in the sacred and amazing process which would allow them, and subsequently us, to join with Him in creating life. 


From the beginning God has said that life, and the means for creating it, are of the greatest sacredness and importance, because in them are the seeds of godliness. He has organized the family unit as the environment in which these sacred things should happen.

“The Family – A Proclamation to the World” is the Lord’s modern reminder to us that His first commandment is still in effect and will be indefinitely. With loving and direct counsel through His prophet and apostles, the Lord outlines the parameters in which we can accomplish this:

“The sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.”     

Sounds so simple doesn’t it? Even a tender child hearing this can understand these guidelines and feel Heavenly Father’s intentions, yet the views of the world cloud the issue with counterfeit versions of the Lord’s intended use of the power of procreation.

           

Satan, in his vile way, seeks to diminish this beautiful gift and to twist its use through the justification of our natural urges. He knows he cannot stop God’s Plan of Happiness from being fulfilled, but he will defile it in whatever way he can. 

He seeks to either break apart the family, to create a counterfeit version, or to keep it from being formed altogether. 

There are so many ways Satan tries to achieve this, but that’s for another discussion. 

Simply put-the momentary pleasure of merely satisfying urges brings physical, emotional and spiritual sorrows which can be long lasting and will jeopardize the power and beauty of the eternal relationship saved for the man or woman we want with all our hearts to be with forever. 


As hard as it may seem to suggest this to a world which is all about “What can it get, how quickly can I get it and how much of it can I get?” God’s counsel is for each and every one of us.  By keeping ourselves sexually pure before marriage we protect ourselves from "the emotional damage that always comes from sharing physical intimacies with someone outside of marriage." (see For the Strength of Youth)
We also prepare ourselves to build strong marriages and to bring children into the world as part of a loving family.

The feelings we have to bond intimately with the one we love are a wonderful and deliberate gift provided by our Heavenly Father to enhance our relationships which will lead us to the greatest happiness in family life.

           

I love talking about the eternal blessings of the family and have so many things I would like to share, but I’ll wrap up now with an invitation to all of you. 


Whether you are reading these posts with mild curiosity, or with a critical eye, or as a sincere seeker of knowledge for enhancing your own circumstances; I invite you to support and encourage happiness in family life by promoting virtue and moral cleanliness within the bounds of marriage. Let the effort start within your own heart and mind and then encourage it in the lives of those around you. 


For some it may require a paradigm shift or a change of heart, for others your heart is already there, but I promise you that as you do so, your relationships on every level will be blessed with greater fulfillment, deeper purpose and increased happiness because of the love of God for all of us, His family.    

Josh Snyder is a private equity manager and early-morning seminary teacher who lives in California with his wife beautiful wife Stephanie and their three sons.  He served a full-time mission in the Colorado Denver South Mission and graduated from BYU-Idaho.  He enjoys drawing, sculpting, eating a great meal with his family and studying the gospel of Jesus Christ.  (Josh and I were in Primary together back in the day, but I'll spare him-and you-the fabulous roadshow pics!)  Thanks, Josh!

{Please visit the other blogs in the celebration today:

Chocolate on my Cranium

We Talk of Christ, We Rejoice in Christ

Welcome to the Madness
The Red Headed Hostess

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The Dangerous Book for Moms: Chapter 2

I was at Walmart last night with my kids and husband.  Steve took Guy to get his hair cut so he would look nice for his preschool Easter program the next day.  I took the two girls (ages 2 and 3) with me to look for a baby shower gift for my friend.


As soon as I walked into the baby/children's department, I suddenly became aware of some "upset words" coming from the diaper aisle.  The man was speaking in Spanish, but I could tell that he was not using kid-friendly words, mostly from his extremely harsh tone.  Then he started spewing forth such phrases as "f-ing S!" in English, and showed no sign of stopping.  And that was it for me.


I left my girls in the cart looking at some hair bows where I could see them, and walked back to investigate.  I wondered if this man was yelling at a woman, and if she was perhaps in trouble or if he was on the phone or what.  He caught a glimpse of me, and I of him, as soon as I rounded the corner.  He was on the phone.  And he was irate.  


In that split second, I had a choice to make.  Walk away or follow through with my plan to ask him to pipe down.  He paused his conversation, keeping his cell phone glued to his ear and glared at me.  I planted my feet, squared my shoulders, and looked straight back into his eyes.  I knew that he had a cart with a child in it, but I didn't dare look away.


I said as respectfully as possible, "Can you keep it down?" as I motioned with my hands to clarify my message.  He was livid when I happened upon him.  Now he was just plain ready to go ballistic.  I could tell that he was not a person accustomed to acting rationally.  I could also guess from his reaction that he is probably not a person who can tolerate a woman "telling him what to do."


With about as much venom as I have ever heard, he sneered back at me, "And YOU are????"  There were definitely violent undertones in his reply.  He was trying to intimidate me.


I responded, again, as evenly as possible, "My girls are right over there.  We can hear every word you are saying.  My little girls don't need to hear the F-word."  His face, at this point of the conversation, was contorting at a rapid pace and starting to turn colors.  So I wrapped things up.  Pleading, I said, "You are standing in a children's department!  Just, please...keep it down."  From the gaping position that his mouth took, I am guessing that this was certainly an audacious display, the likes of which he had never been exposed to.


I turned around and walked back to my children who were blissfully unaware that Mommy almost became a victim of "domestic-violence" in the children's section of Walmart...all to protect their little ears from excessive obscenities.


A couple, who I found standing by my cart when I returned to my children, gave me a "yeah, that's right," nod of approval, but that man's question still echoed in my ears:  


"And YOU are?"


"And YOU are?"


"And YOU ARE???"


The answer that came was:  A Mother.


Plain and simple.


I AM A MOTHER.  


What makes otherwise logical, believers in free-speech, and appreciators-of-the-use-of-all-of my-limbs-type women walk into the jaws of danger to protect the delicate minds and hearts of our young ones?  It is MOTHERHOOD...that calling that never sleeps.  That job that is so common, yet so unique.  So valuable, yet to pay us to perform our duties would be an insult.    It is the shift-work that is always on-call and never takes a vacation.  It is my chosen profession.


I might not have been wearing a blue Walmart vest that day, but my authority to protect the virtue of my children comes from a much higher power.  I only hope that my instincts to shield my children from exposure to inappropriate and harmful influences will ALWAYS remain this sharp and undeniable.

Coincidentally...or not...This is the song that my son and daughter sang in their Easter Program today.  Sung roughly to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It."
Here are the lyrics:

Be careful little eyes what you see.

Be careful little eyes what you see.

For the Father up above,

He is looking down in love,

So be careful little eyes what you see.

(The other verses are the same, but referencing a different body part.)

Be careful little ears what you hear.

Be careful little mouth what you say.

Be careful little hands what you do.

Be careful little feet where you go.

I will always remember this song that they sang with their preschool today.  I know that if they are careful with their eyes, ears, mouth, hands, and feet, they will be very happy in life, and Heavenly Father will be happy with them too.

Here is a video of Guy and Scarlett performing "Be Careful Little Eyes"

with their preschool today.

PS - I just had to make this Chapter 2 of my Dangerous Book for Moms, because sometimes standing up for what's right can be risky business!!  But Dangerous Moms know when it's time to take care of business!  Disclaimer:  You don't have to put yourself in danger to be a dangerous Mom...Just by teaching your children this song, you'll be doing something rather dangerous...empowering the future generation to turn away from evil!

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Picking Up the Pieces of a Dream

I don't usually fill my blog with that much fluff.  So, when you see that I am blogging about the Post Office's best kept secrets, you've got to know that I'm avoiding writing about the real topic that is occupying my heart.


Sunday was extremely emotional for me.  I was really close to the spirit, and I learned a lot, yet every truth that was spoken made me ache just a little bit too. 


You see, I was grieving for my dear friend--a beautiful, amazing girl--who had reached out to me the night before to let me know that she was going through a trial that was--through no fault of her own--going to result in the ending of her temple marriage.


Oh, how I love this friend of mine.  She is intelligent and creative, as fashionable as she is compassionate.  She is witty, quick with a laugh, and so much fun to spend time with.  She is strong, like a woman should be.  She is confident.  She is faithful.  She is kind.  She's got that thing, you know, that women have--a vibrancy--and you can just tell by the way that she carries herself that she believes in her abilities and that she is happy on the inside.  It's a happiness that can't be tampered with or shouldn't be anyway.  She's also got youth on her side.


This should give you just a touch more insight into the kind of person she is:  in her professional career she has had a hand in the interior design for the newly-built temples!   She's a really good girl, and brilliant in so many ways.  I could go on and on.


So, you can see why it is just tearing me up inside to think that anyone could ever do wrong to this wonderful person.  That anyone would ever try to crush her spirit by exercising unrighteous dominion, by being unfaithful to their marital vows, by making light of her efforts to forgive and save the relationship, and by making a mockery of sacred things.


The whole thing makes me teeter between anger/disbelief and deep, deep woe.  You see, this is the second such story I've witnessed happening to a good friend of mine in the past year.  (And surely there are a million more just like it.)


My other sweet friend is just as spectacular as the first friend I have just described, only in addition to being a good, kind, and faithful wife, she is also an excellent mother.  She's not Mormon, but she cares just as deeply about the marriage covenant as we do, and has proven this by spending a good year and a half (at least) bending over backward to mend the wreckage that was again brought about by the unfaithful acts of her spouse.  (Incidentally, neither one of these women have ever said a derogatory word about their spouses in my presence, but, instead, they have expressed such charity toward their weaker half.)  


So back to my emotional teetering.  I am angry and disgusted, but I'm not quite sure who to be angry with.  The husbands (in this case) for making such hideously selfish choices and being lead completely astray?  Or Satan for waging such a merciless war on ALL FAMILIES of the world today.  If you know me well at all, you probably already know the answer to that question.


Last year, someone called my love of The Family Proclamation my little "gospel hobby".  And in the context of our conversation, her comment was definitely not meant to be a compliment.  My knee-jerk reaction at the time was to refute her criticism of me that seemed deeply hurtful, but which I can now see really came out of her misunderstanding my words and coloring them with biases of her own...which, admittedly, we all have.


But as time has passed, I have come to actually own that "hobby" description.  If someone were to run that line past me today, I'd gladly say, "Dang straight, my friend!"  However, it would be much more accurate to say that I have not one but two gospel hobbies:  The study and application of the teachings and Atonement of Jesus Christ AND the principles found in The Family:  A Proclamation to the World.  


When understood and applied correctly, these two things--which are found in their fullness only in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--can act as a both a sword of truth in one hand and a shield of protection to us and our families in the other.  To any woman (or man) reading this, I say, these are two important weapons that you never want to set down, not for a moment.


I think what was really getting to me on Sunday was the stark realization that this spiritual armor--these beautiful truths--can only be of use to us when we study, understand, believe, and apply them faithfully throughout our lives.  If we dismiss the truths found in the full doctrine of Jesus Christ--which we know includes the Family Proclamation--then we are only robbing ourselves of the peace and happiness and power that comes from living the word of God, words that come to us from both ancient scripture and from living prophets.  Words that apply with great wisdom to EVERY situation and every trial that we will face in our day.


Both of these women, these dear, dear friends of mine, are complete class acts.  I have total confidence in their ability to pick up the pieces of this shattered dream, and with the comfort and strength of the Lord, Jesus Christ, move forward, grow upward, rediscover that girl they knew themselves to be before heartbreak, and be lead to brighter days, and the fulfillment of even happier dreams. 


They will embrace the gospel, because, through it all they never let go of their faith.  They will hold on to The One who has NEVER LET THEM DOWN and who never will let them down.  They will find healing in His touch and shelter under His watchful eye.  They will walk the way that I described once again, with their heads held high...leading the way for their children to follow, because that is what women like them are here on earth to do, walk tall regardless of the choices of others.


This post contains a lot of personal emotions and experiences.  I hope that it does not offend anyone reading it.  Instead, I hope that someone reading this hears and understands the spirit of my words and the truth of them too.  But most importantly, I hope that my friends read this, because I want them to know that I know that they have what it takes, and that the "future is as bright as [their] faith."  


If you are suffering under this or any other kind of disappointment in life...I want YOU to know this as well.  If you have the gospel of Jesus Christ, then you HAVE what it takes.  


(*For the record, my intent is not to knock anyone down, but to build others up...and I sincerely hope those misguided men someday figure out how to "have what it takes" too!)

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Families Prosper Through Work & Wholesome Play

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

It actually is a rainy day over in our corner of the world.

A very rainy day, in fact...

Making "Rainy Day Bingo" a perfect tie-in with our lesson

about work and wholesome recreational activities within families.

Here's how you play:

First download and print off a Rainy Day Bingo Card for each child.

Then fill each square with activities: both work & play.

Mark off each activity as you do it together.

When the children fill in their entire bingo card,

you can reward them with a special prize.

Our Bingo game sent us on many adventures today:

We snuggled, read books, bounced in the bounce house, played hide & seek, cleaned up toys, folded and put away laundry, hugged Autumn and made her laugh, shared, called Grandparents and Daddy to say "I love you." and had a puppet show. We also enjoyed the cattle corral and rock climbing wall that Guy built in our front entryway using twine, to fulfill his requirement to "Build something great."

My kids LOVED this game.

They are now asking me

(with their mouths full of marshmallows), to,

"Please make us another bingo game!"

Work & play is always more fun when we do it together, as a family.

I found the idea for today's activity on this blog.

However, I made the "Rainy Day Bingo Card" myself

and it's a free download for you, so please enjoy!

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The Children's Bill of Rights

"Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity."

This statement has powerful implications,

if we take the time to really understand it.

In the world today, we hear a lot of debate over rights,

but the Lord very rarely mentions individual rights or entitlements.

That is why when the Lord says that children have a right to be born to a mom and a dad who are married to each other and who honor their marriage vows...

I take that pretty seriously.

Who are we to trample on the rights of these innocent children?

That is why I call this line of the Family Proclamation "The Children's Bill of Rights".

Many children born today will not receive this "entitlement".

But they can be taught now,

that the Lord considers this a "right" for all of the children

that he sends to earth,

and that they have a responsibility to protect that right,

--by marrying before having children

--and by being true to their spouse.

Your children will not learn this from anyone, but you.

It is a lesson that they will hopefully learn

both by example and explicit instruction.

I try not to assume that my children understand these concepts.

As I read the family proclamation to them I ask, "Do you know what it means for mommies and daddies to be faithful to each other?" Their answers help me to know how to proceed with the discussion, and leads to deeper understanding for all of us.

For our activity today, we made these doodle characters.

My kids were too young to trace the patterns themselves,

so I traced them and they colored them in.

It'll be fun when they are a bit older to have each family member draw a silly character of themselves, and make them into stick "puppets" or just use it to doodle whenever.

You can print out the "crazy cartoon" patterns here.

I laminated ours and attached them with a ring for long-term use.

Also, if you are interested in a Family Proclamation printed in a slightly different format, click here to download the one shown at the beginning of this post. I meant to print it in color.

I just kind of like the look of it.

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The Sacred Powers of Procreation

"We further declare

that God has commanded

that the sacred powers of procreation

are to be employed only between man and woman,

lawfully wedded as husband and wife."

When we asked the children this morning if they knew how babies were made, we, of course, got blank stares! (They are, after all, only 4, 2, and 1.)

One of them offered up, "You came as babies."

So we used that as a starting point for our brief, but important discussion.

I said that, yes, mommy and daddy started off as babies, just like they did. Now that we are grown-up we can use our bodies to make more babies. Some people use their ability to make babies before they are married, but Heavenly Father wants us to do this only when we are legally married, as husband and wife.

And that was that.

The kids were thrilled with these rag quilt letters--rearranging them to spell different words.

I planned on making the whole alphabet, but ran out of the backing for the time being.

Find out how to make these "rag quilt letters" at Happy Together.

They are very easy to make! I could see an older child helping out with them.

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Say "Yes to Happiness" in 2009

If you love music and who want a fun new song to enjoy, please go to this site and download "Say Yes"...It's sure to become your theme song for 2009!!  It's very fun and catchy--intended for the teenage demographic, but great for anyone.  I am not sure, but I think David Archuleta (the LDS boy who almost won American Idol last year) is singing on this track.  I can't confirm that though.  What I like most about this song (besides the contagious spirit and beat) is that the lyrics are VERY smart...a great message for all of us, but great for the youth.  It's a free download...Click here to check it out:  "Say Yes"

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We follow where He leads...

As we start a new year, many of us take time to assess the path we are following.  If you are looking for direction and inspiration, as you contemplate what to focus on in the coming year, please check out this brand new website called "A Brand New Year".

This site was created by the church to help teens define their standards of morality and to commit to live by these values in order to become better examples of followers of Christ.  I love this quote on the site by one of the leaders of our youth, "We love hearing your commitments to live the standards.  And let's remember why we make them--because we want to be happy and we want others to be happy."

This site has so many amazing tools to help empower the youth...I haven't even explored them fully, but I plan to.  You can watch videos,download MP3s, read scriptures and hear about the church's theme for the Youth program for 2009 (I've quoted it below.)

The photo on the front page makes me smile.  You can just see the light of Christ in the faces of those teens.  This is the result of living a clean and happy life and following the standards set forth by the leaders of the church.  They are truly following "where He leads" and this shows in their countenances.  I am so thankful for the wisdom that I gleaned, as a teen and young adult, from the LDS church's youth program...The standards of the church set my feet on a path of happiness...and by staying on it, I have arrived safely at my desired destination in life.  I experienced all of the good things in life and made it safely through the difficult things, because of my commitment to live the standards of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Thankfully, I can look back at my life and feel content and happy about the decisions that I have made.  There is no better gift than that.

Good luck to you, my friends, as you chart a course for the coming year.  May the end of 2009 find us all blissfully closer to the people we wish to become.

'Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity' (1 Timothy 4:12). 

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