We finally bought the lumber

There's a boy who lives down the street from us, in a different neighborhood, actually down a country road.  He looks to be about 10 years old.  He sits out on nice days at a small "tv table" with a handmade sign that reads "lumber for sale".

I went to pick Scarlett up from school the other evening, and when I returned he was still sitting out hoping for a sale.  I said, "Next time I pass him, I'm going to buy some lumber."  Instead of waiting until "next time" I decided to turn the car around and buy the "lumber" now.

I asked the boy how much he was selling his "lumber" for.  He promptly quoted me a price of $59 for a pile of about ten pieces of crudely chopped wood like the two shown above.  

Scarlett and I had to contain our shock and then giggles.  Then I looked at the small axe that had clearly been his weapon of choice against the unsuspecting tree, and I figured he probably did put $59 worth of blood, sweat, and tears in to his work.

I asked him what $3.00 would get me.  He gave me these two pieces of wood, and then he said, "I'm glad you came along, I wasn't having a very good day..."

For some reason that just hit me.  We had done the right thing.  We turned around when we felt we should, and bought this boy's lumber.  And now these are my two favorite pieces of lumber in the world.

 

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Val, Charity, and Friendship Ripples

 I have been blogging for about 12 years now.  I blogged daily for about half of those years, but the last few years I've blogged less, choosing/needing to focus on my family more as our family has doubled in size since I started blogging among other changes! (As you can see, I am slowly getting back into it as I could use the outlet!)

But some of you, dear readers have been here since the start.  And some of you I've even gotten to meet, running into you randomly in the Philadelphia temple, and then when I moved some of you welcomed me here to Pittsburgh, which has been so nice.

I want to share today just one more of those "ripples of friendship" that crosses even the Atlantic Ocean and ended up helping me with a problem that I was having.  

Some years ago a longtime blog-friend named Kayla befriended a stranger who was kind of out of her element and definitely out of her country at the time.  Kayla went out of her way to help this person and her children while they were traveling/living in Ireland.

This had a big impact on this young mother.  Fast-forward some years later, and this young mother went out of her way to befriend ME and my family when we moved here to Pittsburgh, very distraught over having to abruptly move! She has baked me birthday cakes, attended my home-study General Conference groups, and brought me small gifts and words of encouragement over the last four years.

Recently, it was this friend's birthday, so I decided to run a small gift over to her house (yes, it was actually a very late Christmas gift, but those are details!)  Anyway, I went over to finally do something nice for this friend on HER birthday, but once again she ended up helping me.  

I was having a problem helping my son learn his letters.  And it was really worrying me.  My friend ended up suggesting, then loaning me a letter-learning video for Val, and it has actually helped him a lot.

This might not sound like a big deal, but it really helped me, because I was really worried about it.  And I can't help but see the connected between my friend Heather, my friend Kayla, and me.  And that connection is not blogging, it is friendship.  It is kindness.  It is charity (which is the pure love of Christ). And I am on the receiving end of the charity that was shared first by Kayla to Heather and now Heather to me. 

So thank you, Kayla.  And thank you Heather.  And thank you to the Lord for sending your sweet spirit to inspire these lovely friends to love one another.

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Beauty for Ashes

Earlier today, I came out of the grocery store and discovered this on my windshield. Someone decided that each Oct 29th, on the anniversary of their father's death from cancer, they would make what is normally a sad day a better day by giving to others. This was such a touching way to make what was sad and devastating into something beautiful and joyous. They can't begin to imagine how moved I am by their gesture and their example of hope. It reminds me of this scripture in Isaiah, "He hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to appoint unto them that mourn, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness." I will indeed be paying this forward!

It's been interesting not being on Facebook for nearly a month now.

The last week, I have done a lot of praying and pondering, searching for answers about how to organize my time, my home, my life in order to accept the Lord's invitation to "Come Follow Me."

I have been finding my answers, one at a time.  And I've been working to adjust my life according to the answers I receive.

(I hope to share about that in another post this week.)

But since I am not really on social media as much as I was previously, I did not hear about the shooting in the Pittsburgh synagogue until a Facebook friend direct messaged me to send me his sympathies.

Hearts are heavy here, which I think is why this act of kindness that I was the recipient of touched me so much.

I want to follow this person's example to make my life a life that takes the bad, the ugly, the sad, the difficult, the confusing and replaces it with beauty, joy, comfort, and clarity of purpose.

I have experienced both sides of this equation in the last week, and I know that it is the spirit of the Lord that brings that clarity.  And it is charity that brings that beauty to a world that is sometimes so dark.

Tonight for Family Home Evening, we wrote letters to the survivors of the Tree of Life Congregation in Squirrel Hill.  It felt good to reach out to them.  It's a small thing, but we hope it eases some of their burden.  I know that Pittsburgh will find all kinds of ways to trade beauty for ashes as we live our respective faiths and reach out in love to others.

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On my honor, I will TRY...and keep trying...

This has been my view for the last nearly 11 weeks, so can you blame me for not wanting to put him aside to hold a boring old computer?

What a blessing it has been to hold him, to experience his first smiles, just to feel his sweet spirit, and get to know this little creature.  What an honor and a blessing it is to be his Mother.

It's been a lot of work trying to keep our little world spinning.  It takes all of my time, all of my concentration and planning and continual work to move our family toward what resembles the best routine for our now family of eight.  There are a lot of needs, but I find peace in slowing down to carefully consider and meet them all as best I can in the quiet moments.  I am finding peace in being patient in responding to each child...and not forcing them to go at my pace or to respond immediately in the way I want them to, but waiting for them to willingly comply or not.  This feels right.  When I am able to do it, it feels like what God wants me to do.

After the tumultuous year we had in 2017, I was eager to turn the page and looking forward to setting and working toward some goals I personally wanted to achieve for myself in 2018.  2018 was going to be MY year, so I thought, until 2018 actually arrived bringing with it one of the hardest challenges for me yet.

What was it someone said in conference in recent years...if it were fair it wouldn't be a trial?

That's how I would characterize the trial I've been staring in the face during the first two weeks of 2018.  Unfair, hard-hitting blind-side, personal.  Also, basically, out of my control to fix, undo, or erase.

I realized that a funny thing happens as soon as you decide you want to grow in a particular area.  The Lord is more than happy to send you situations that will help you grow...but you might not like it.

And I really haven't liked it...at all.  I would have much prefered to have an easy start to 2018, but easy wouldn't have taught me what I now understand much better than I did before.

As I was going through it, I just kept rolling around in my head how unfair it was, and I kept going back and forth between being sad and being mad.

Luckily, I was realizing that being sad wasn't helping me, being mad was definitely going to hurt me, and being proud was going to keep me from moving past what had happened.

So, my first thought today was the need for me to accept what had happened without feeling the need to retaliate or right the wrong that had been done to me.  I needed to be humble.  I remembered that Jesus Christ was wrongly accused in his life, he suffered for things he did not do, but he humbly accepted it.  I began to see that my small suffering could be a blessing to me, if it allowed me to understand the Savior more.

My second thought was that I needed to forgive, because holding on to my bad feelings was only going to prolong my own suffering, so I've been praying for that as well.

But it wasn't until tonight when my husband and I were studying President Uchtdorf's talk "Three Sisters" that I heard all of the words that would help me really reach the peace I wanted to achieve.

This first quote helped me to put myself in context and realize that I had an all-powerful Being on my side ready to help me through:

"If you find yourself worrying about what other people say about you, may I suggest this antidote: remember who you are. Remember that you are of the royal house of the kingdom of God, daughters of Heavenly Parents, who reign throughout the universe.

You have the spiritual DNA of God. You have unique gifts that originated in your spiritual creation and that were developed during the vast span of your premortal life. You are the child of our merciful and everlasting Father in Heaven, the Lord of Hosts, the One who created the universe, spread the spinning stars across the vast expanse of space, and placed the planets in their appointed orbits.

You are in His hands.

Very good hands.

Loving hands.

Caring hands.

And nothing anyone ever says about you can change that. Their words are meaningless compared to what God has said about you.

You are His precious child.

He loves you.

Even when you stumble, even when you turn away from Him, God loves you. If you are feeling lost, abandoned, or forgotten—fear not. The Good Shepherd will find you. He will lift you upon His shoulders. And He will carry you home."

This second quote helped me to learn that demonizing my opposition was making it harder for me to forgive and move on.

"“When someone opposes or disagrees with us, it’s tempting to assume that there must be something wrong with them. And from there it’s a small step to attach the worst of motives to their words and actions.

Of course, we must always stand for what is right, and there are times when we must raise our voices for that cause. However, when we do so with anger or hate in our hearts—when we lash out at others to hurt, shame, or silence them—chances are we are not doing so in righteousness.

What did the Savior teach?

“I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

“That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.”4

This is the Savior’s way. It is the first step in breaking down the barriers that create so much anger, hatred, division, and violence in the world.

Yes,” you might say, “I would be willing to love my enemies—if only they were willing to do the same.”

But that doesn’t really matter, does it? We are responsible for our own discipleship, and it has little—if anything—to do with the way others treat us. We obviously hope that they will be understanding and charitable in return, but our love for them is independent of their feelings toward us.

Perhaps our effort to love our enemies will soften their hearts and influence them for good. Perhaps it will not. But that does not change our commitment to follow Jesus Christ.

So, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ, we will love our enemies.

We will overcome anger or hate.

We will fill our hearts with love for all of God’s children.

We will reach out to bless others and minister to them—even those who might “despitefully use [us] and persecute [us].”

It's funny how quickly peace was restored to my soul tonight upon simply re-reading and listening to these words of truth.

I received the answers I was searching and praying for simply by looking to the words of our dear church leaders.  And I now know how to proceed.  Two weeks in and I can already tell, this year is going to be a doozey!

P.S. Thanks to the reader-friend who emailed me out of the blue words of encouragement and support last week.  Whenever you guys do that for me, I know that you are following a spiritual prompting and your words come to me just when I need it most and do so much good. So thank you!!!

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We Each Belong to and Are Needed in the Family of God

Do you ever find that teaching youth is unpredictable?  For a variety of reasons, I do.  Also, I always go into lesson preparation thinking I am going to teach them something, and most often come away being taught a lesson myself that I didn't know I was due to learn.  Today was no exception.

I have in the past also experienced, especially in Young Women, that lesson time is often sacrificed for announcements and singing of special hymns and get-to-know yous and birthday spotlights.  Today, my first time teaching as the new Beehive Advisor in our ward, was also no exception.

I have to note that the "special hymn" they are learning is "I Walk By Faith," which was a song that I learned as a youth. (How many of you are familiar with this song??)

This made me chuckle, because I know the song so well that I was probably the only one who didn't need a song sheet.  It made me cry too as the words rang true for me, especially lines like, "And some day when God has proven me, I'll see Him face to face, but just for here and now I walk by faith."  

How many times over the last 25 years have I had to walk by faith (especially in my 20's as I made so many important choices for my life!)?  The Lord has certainly proven me, beyond what I could have ever anticipated when I originally sang this song. 

And I know He is proving me still.  Although I haven't literally seen him face-to-face, I have certainly come to know him better through my own personal tests, and trials.  Thinking back on these hard moments, knowing that the Savior walked with me through them, made my eyes water even more. I also cried (and laughed) because those high notes are no easier to reach now than they were back when I sang it as a youth, in case you were wondering!

About the Lesson:

For the lesson, which I taught to the Beehives, we focused on The Family Proclamation. 

There was a lot to cover given that I was told they hadn't had all of the lessons for this month for some reason, also our time together seemed so short.

On the spot, I felt it was important to focus on these few things: 

1) The family is very important to God's eternal plan.

2) Learning & living according to the doctrine taught in the family proclamation can answer our questions and help us form a happier and eternal family.

3) No family is perfect, but we are all part of the family of God.  

4) It is our duty as daughters of God to reach out to and love ALL people regardless of their family circumstances or beliefs.  It is also our duty to learn from and support one another and empathize with others and their struggles and experiences.  We can and should do this while standing by the doctrine of family.

To help us think about this more, we read this quote from Sister Carole M. Stephens, "The Family Is of God.":

She says, "Elder Richard G. Scott explained that “we were taught in the premortal world that our purpose in coming here is to be tested, tried, and stretched.”5 That stretching comes in as many forms as there are individuals experiencing it. I’ve never had to live through divorce, the pain and insecurity that comes from abandonment, or the responsibility associated with being a single mother. I haven’t experienced the death of a child, infertility, or same-gender attraction. I haven’t had to endure abuse, chronic illness, or addiction. These have not been my stretching opportunities.

"So right now some of you are thinking, “Well then, Sister Stephens, you just don’t understand!” And I answer that you may be right. I don’t completely understand your challenges. But through my personal tests and trials—the ones that have brought me to my knees—I have become well acquainted with the One who does understand, He who was “acquainted with grief,”6 who experienced all and understands all. And in addition, I have experienced all of the mortal tests that I just mentioned through the lens of a daughter, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and friend.

"Our opportunity as covenant-keeping daughters of God is not just to learn from our own challenges; it is to unite in empathy and compassion as we support other members of the family of God in their struggles, as we have covenanted to do.

"When we do so, we also come to understand and trust that the Savior knows the difficulties of the way and can guide us through whatever sorrows and disappointments may come. He is true charity, and His love “endureth forever”7—in part through us as we follow Him.

As daughters of God and disciples of Jesus Christ, we then “act according to those sympathies which God has planted” in our hearts.8 Our sphere of influence isn’t limited to our own family members."

After discussing the first few ideas, we briefly played the Family Proclamation Trivial Pursuit Game (which you can find here).  It's something that I made up years ago, but I didn't even think about it until a blog reader asked me a question about it last night (so thank you, friend!)

Although, we really ran out of time to really play it, it was a good way to get the girls reading, talking about, and sharing with each other about the Family Proclamation, the ideas contained therein, and about their own families.  I think we'll probably play it again for an activity some time in the future.  

I reiterated again at the end of the lesson how important it is for us to love and include people of all different circumstances, family make-up, and background (in and outside of the church) and to go out of our way to help others feel loved, because everyone around us belongs to the family of God.  And how important it is for us all to know and understand and gain a testimony of the Family Proclamation, so we can use it to guide our decisions in life and teach it to others.

So that was it, not too eventful, but I just found it interesting that I was guided to teach showing love for others regardless of their family structure as the biggest point in the brief time that we had.  I think, from the looks on some of the girls faces, this message was comforting for some of them too.

More Thoughts on Inclusion

Speaking of inclusion in church, I haven't recently thought too much in depth about this or considered the plight of someone who might feel like they are on the outside.  If someone is on the fringe, I try to put my arm around them and pull them in, but I'm not sure I've always validated their particular concerns. Perhaps because it feels like someone always has a reason to feel left out.  However, I had a few experiences today that has called my attention to this.

I have always felt like I belonged in church.  In The true Church.  I am not one who has ever questioned whether or not I belonged socially or culturally or doctrinally in the church, but I know people do.

Today, as I was introducing myself to the girls, I asked them to guess where I was from.  Their guess: Utah.  Nope, I said, I'm from Ohio.  I grew up just two hours from here.

Next, I asked them to guess where I went to college.  BYU, they answered.  Nope, I went to a school in Ohio called Miami University (which is also where Ben Roethlisberger, the Pittsburgh Steelers QB went...we now live in Pittsburgh).  

Then I showed them a picture of the temple I was married in.  Any guesses as to which temple it was?  They guessed the Salt Lake Temple.  Um...no.  It's the Washington, DC temple.

I don't fault them (mainly because I think most of their families are transplants from Utah), but it definitely took me by surprise that the girls could only fathom that I'd be from Utah...Utah all the way, no other guesses.

I am from Ohio.  I have lived in Pennsylvania for 12 years of my married life and all of my children were born here (they also found this shocking).  I consider myself from the East.  My temple has almost always been the DC Temple.  My career was mainly entered on the East Coast, and as I said before, I was educated here.

I started to seriously wonder why their only answers were Utah.  I started to feel very outside...outside of this group of girls anyway.  And I've never really felt that way before.

Later, I had an interaction online which spun wildly away from the main point of the discussion.  This person's point (in my perception) was that there is a homogeneous way to talk about a certain topic in the gospel and that it is basically the same the world over.  When I tried to explain that in my personal experience, I talk about it differently and my fellow ward members might speak differently/use different words and that was ok.  In our discussion, I felt totally dismissed.  I was probably wrong.  He was maybe technically correct.  Probably the whole Mormon world says it one way and only I say it so weirdly different.  But even so, I felt even more on the outside in a discussion of a point that was totally not important.

And being made to feel like an outsider for the second time in one day, it's just not what my fragile little, overly-emotional, pregnant heart needed today.

So, maybe this vague story means nothing to anyone reading this, and I know that other people have much more serious factors causing them to feel like they are on the outside looking in, but it made me think more seriously about trying to use my words to include people at church.  

For whatever reason, there are certainly many people who don't feel like they belong, don't feel like they are in the club, don't feel like their life matches the shiny, happy, outer coating that we might perceive is on display each week.  And while I want to think I have always tried to include others, these silly examples make me think I can do better, go even more out of my way to show that I love and accept others just as they are.  (I could probably also practice this more with my own children~)

This is certainly a strength I have witnessed in and admire about others in the church.

I'm hoping I can work harder starting now to make sure everyone feels like they belong...at least when they are around me.

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I Was a Stranger

In my early 20's I found myself a stranger quite often.

While working my first job out of college, I made very little money and lived in a city where I knew no one and lived with people who had really different life circumstances from me.

After paying my monthly bills, I had very little left over for basic food. If I ate out even once, my budget was blown.

One morning, while running late for work, I realized I was nearly out of gas.  I rolled into a gas station on the way to work and filled up, not noticing a sign that read "Cash or credit only."

I went inside and realized I had no cash with which to pay and I had left my credit card at home in a coat pocket.  I begged the cashier to take a check.  He would not.  I started to panic as the line of customers behind me grew and grew.  What was going to happen to me?  To my car?  I had no one in this big, lonely city to bail me out.  No one I could call. What could I do?

Suddenly, from way back in the back of that line, a woman emerged.  She walked up to the cashier and swiped her own card paying my entire gas bill.  I was so flustered, but grateful and shocked.  I thanked her with tears in my eyes and ran out.  I have never forgotten the kindness of that woman, to whom I was a mere, irresponsible stranger, although she did not treat me as such.

As time went by, a co-worker of mine and his wife, realizing how lonely I was, befriended me.  His wife frequently invited me to hang out with them.  She took me to her friend's house to weave baskets with her, a skill and a memory that I still cherish to this day.  Although I started off a stranger to them, a lovely couple who had no children of their own, they were like a big brother and sister to me at a time when I badly needed someone to care about me.

A few years later, I moved again to an even bigger city.  This time, I had a well-paying job, however that job was fairly unstable and went away shortly after moving there.  Now I had a large monthly rent payment that I was struggling to make as I job-searched.  Again I knew no one, but my roommate who was so sweet and kind.  She went to play basketball at the church every Thursday.  One Thursday night, I was feeling such despair over my situation.  I lay there on my bed in the dark worrying, wondering what was to become of me.  I had no job.  I had taken the gamble of my young career to chase after my dream job and had failed...at least I thought so at the time.

But most of all, I was broke.  I had had multiple disappointments in my personal life and now I was all alone in a big city, feeling like I was sinking into a deep hole from which I could never climb out.  I felt invisible and like no one would notice if I just ceased to exist.

My chest started feeling tight.  I had never felt this feeling before, but I knew I needed to get out of my apartment and go be with people who might be able to lift me up spiritually, so I went to the one place where I knew someone...I went to church, where I knew my roommate would be shooting hoops with other members of our ward.

I walked into the gym.  The first girl who greeted me was only an acquaintance, but she asked me casually, "How are you doing?"  I answered honestly.  I wasn't doing great.  I had lost my job and couldn't find another one and I was flat out broke and didn't know what I was going to do about it.  I didn't even have money for food.

This girl who knew me only as another member of her 400-some member singles ward (and a fairly new one at that) reached into her pocket, pulled out her wallet, and without hesitation handed me all of the cash in her possession.  It was about $37.

She shoved it into my hand and said, "Pay me back if you can, but if you can't, just pay it forward."

I was so touched by this gesture of the complete surrender of her money to someone who was basically a stranger that I have never forgotten it.  In fact, her gesture was the quiet vote of confidence that I needed to feel like I could go on, and I soon did get an even better job, but her actions were just what I needed to rise above my despair and to hang on for one more day.  She believed in me.  So I could believe in me.

Later, upon getting to know this sister, I learned that she never was great with money during that time in her life, but I loved her even more given that fact.  $37 would have been a lot of money to her as well as to me.

All of these experiences, which then seemed so hard, now have become an invaluable part of my testimony of God's love for me and the kindness of strangers.

It has made me think twice about turning my back when someone asks me for a hand-up.  Now when someone asks me for help, I see the woman in the gas station swiping her card and disappearing as quickly as she appeared.  I see the smiling faces of the married couple who befriended a little lost girl at least 10 years their junior.  I see the hand of my fellow ward member pulling all the cash out of her wallet and surrendering it to me...I remember what it felt like when someone put their arm around a stranger.

Embracing Strangers Today

Last Christmas, we watched many news reports about the Syrian refugees. I was sad to hear so many people expressing a lack of compassion for these suddenly homeless families.  I wanted to help, but I wasn't sure what I could do, given where I lived and that the busy holiday season was upon us.

A friend of mine posted on social media about a group of women who were collecting baby carriers to help refugee mothers carry their babies safely across borders.  Being pregnant with my fifth child, I was filled with compassion for these women.  I thought, as my child grew inside of me, what if that were me and my babies?  How could I stand by and watch and do nothing?

I spread the word to all the mothers I knew locally and told them where they could send their gently used baby carriers.  But I kept pondering the thought: How can I do more?

I wanted to raise money for the LDS Humanitarian Aid, but I had limited resources myself.  With Christmas coming, I knew that people would be looking to buy gifts for others, so I wondered if there was something I could make in my own home and sell to other women I knew in my town in order to raise money for the refugees.

I found a simple pattern online that showed me how to make infinity scarves.  I used fabrics which I had originally bought to make things for my children.  My children and I "modeled" the scarves on Facebook and I told all of our friends that we would be selling the holiday-themed scarves in order to raise money for refugees.  Then we waited.

Our scarves sold out, and we made 3 or 4 more batches of them.  We raised a sizable amount of money and donated it to the church fund to help refugees.

Some friends gave their scarves away to people who asked about them and then returned to buy more.  I sewed up all of the fabric in my stash at home and bought more.

My children were excited to see our total rise and we all felt the spirit of Christ knowing we were doing something good with our time during the busy holiday season.  Although we mainly did it to honor the Savior, the dividends were awesome. We felt worth, and we felt joy and we felt peace and the approval of God.  It also made us happy to see our friends wearing our scarves!  And still others donated money to the cause without taking a scarf...just out of the goodness of their hearts.

It was neat to see the reaction of many women friends locally and online as we shared resources and pulled together to do something good for people who were strangers on the other side of the world.

There was one reaction I heard during that time that surprised me.  An acquaintance online questioned me, "Why would you help someone who hates you?"  I was taken aback by this comment (although it's not something we haven't heard in social media over and over again.)

Before I could react the Spirit entered my heart and gave me what to say.  I responded, "You mean, like how the Savior served those who hated him?"

Although I dont believe that refugees harbor ill feelings towards others, I do know that the Savior loved and served all.  And he knew the hearts of everyone; we do not.  He could easily have withheld His love, knowing what he knows about the inner workings of each of us...but he did not.  He does not.

Although I am far from perfect in serving others, the spirit taught me again through this experience what it means to both be a stranger and to serve and love and lift a stranger despite your own limitations.  It means to strive always to be and act like Him. 

I also learned that we can do a lot when we patiently seek the Spirit to inspire our efforts.  

Click the link below to read more information about the church's initiative #IWasAStranger which urges sisters to seek for ways to help refugees in their local communities and others who need a friend.  I love the church's commentary about this new initiative: "It is not a program; it's who we are." or who we can become with effort, sincerity, humility, and practice.

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The Great Effect of The Family Proclamation in My Life by Tyler Hill

The teachings of the Proclamation of the Family has blessed my life immensely from the day I was born. I was born to a single mother who was in her teen years. Her boyfriend at the time was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and he wanted to help raise me and care for me. My mother knew that his intentions were good, but she knew that I would not have been brought up in a stable environment. My mother was a member of the Gospel her entire life and she knew and understood the importance of family. She wanted what was best for me, and she knew that she couldn't provide that for me. The Proclamation to the Family states "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." My mother could not provide me with that type of a situation. She acted selflessly as she made the decision to give me up for adoption, so that I could have the opportunity to be raised in this Gospel. She performed this act out of love for me, and I am able to feel that love from her in my life.

I was adopted into a loving family with the best parents anyone could ask for. My parents were unable to have children so they decided to adopt. I was the 4th, and last, child that was adopted. A few years after I was adopted a miracle happened, my parents were able to conceive a child. They went on to add 2 more children to the family. My parents, as well as 3 of my siblings, are Caucasian while 2 of my other siblings are Korean, and I am Tongan. 

Growing up in a diverse family, I never felt like I was different even though half of us looked nothing alike. My parents showed love to all of us and they exemplified the Family Proclamation when it states "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another.." My parents, especially my mother, always loved me regardless of the choices I was making.

As I grew older, I started falling away from the church. I came home dishonorably from my mission after serving one year. For 5 years I struggled with the church and my testimony deteriorated. Even though I was losing my testimony, I never forgot about the importance of family that I was taught while growing up. I misused my agency countless times during those 5 years and I know that my choices disappointed, saddened, and even hurt my mother as well as other family members. My mother never came out and told me but I could tell. I could also feel the love that she had for me even while I was doing wrong and it didn't make sense to me. I mean how could my mother love me when I was making her experience negative feelings? I will never fully understand the love that my mother has for me, but I do know that it is near to the love that my Heavenly Father has for me.

Because of the love that my mother and the rest of my family showed me, I was able to come back into full activity in the church. A miracle happened and I was able to go back out and finish my mission 5 years later. 

I know the importance of family, because I have experienced the importance of my family in my life. 

My family has been crucial to who I am and who I will continually become. I know The Family: a Proclamation to the World has never been more relevant or needed than in this present dispensation.  

My family is the most important unit that I will be apart of in my life. My family is far from perfect, but as long as we do our best to follow the teachings of "The Proclamation to the Family" we will be able to overcome the trials that come our way. 

I received a letter from my biological mother not long ago, she wrote it for me while she was pregnant with me. I read it for the first time about 5 months ago and I want to share a quick excerpt from it. My biological mother was going through a difficult and scary time in her life and in her own words she wrote, "I can truly say that the only thing that has kept me going is the church and my family. I hope you understand how important both are." 

My mother didn't want me to be adopted by rich parents, or a family that was esteemed in the eyes of the world. My mother wanted me to be raised in a family were I would be taught the gospel. I am grateful that my biological mother loved me enough to give me a chance to experience what a family is all about. 

For me family is about loving the people that God has put in my life regardless of how crazy they might be. I'm excited to live out the rest of mortality with the people that I love most, and I'm looking forward to spending eternity with them. I love my family, and I love this gospel.

My name is Tyler Hill and I'm 27 years old. I live in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I'm number 4 out of 6 children, and I'm an uncle to 3 nieces and 4 nephews. I will be attending BYU Hawaii this January and will be studying secondary education. I love my family. If you enjoyed this post, thank Tyler, and feel free to share it on Facebook! Be sure to check out the other host blogs today for more wonderful posts and testimonies about family. You can also share your love of family by sharing photos online this month under the hashtag #ILovetheFamilyProclamation. Here are links to the other blogs: CranialHiccups and A Thing Called Love

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Loving Others and Living with Differences by Elder Oaks

In my last post, I told you guys how my dear, dear friend is picking up and moving to Idaho--off for new adventures in midwifery!  So, last night we had them over for dinner and had a rip-roaring good time.

I really love her kids too!  So while they were here killing time on a Sunday, we decided to do a craft after dinner that related to a lesson I wanted to do on Elder Oaks' talk Loving Others and Living with Differences.

Honestly, it was just thrown together on the spot, but we are running out of time to get all of our lessons in before the next General Conference, so we keep moving along, plugging in spiritual thoughts/lessons whenever we have a moment.

We started by making these rain clouds...six children, making rain clouds!  They did great.  We tried to listen to Elder Oaks' talk as we worked, but it was a little hard to hear, so while we did talk about the concept I was trying to teach, we had to talk about it again this morning to get in more of the actual point of our lesson!

And the point that I was attempting to get across was this: Sometimes, people we have relationships with will disagree with us on matters great and small.  These moments can feel like rain clouds, but good things can come out of these interactions if we are wise and know how to conduct ourselves in a loving manner. To prepare ourselves for what we would do in these types of situations, we brainstormed about what we might say or do if we found ourselves in disagreement with someone we know.

One of the children, earlier in the day, had followed her mother's counsel to "walk away" when her brother started making her mad.  We said that was a good thing to do, but it's even better if we can stay with our friends when we disagree and show our love for them.  

We made raindrops that could "fall" from our clouds, and on the back of each rain drop, we wrote some things we would do to show love to someone with whom we may not agree.

Scarlett's list is above: "I will be happy.  I will be kind.  I would not be blue.  I will be loving.  I will not be greedy."  She also wrote, "I will laugh," which I think means she'd find a way to lighten the mood, which is also a good way to nourish a relationship.

These are pretty good mantras to have in our mind as we interact socially with people with whom we strongly disagree on matters of importance to us.

Here is my list: "Express love and admiration often. Play nicely together. Always be kind. Focus on the things on which we do agree. Say, 'I don't agree with you about this, but I love you anyway. And serve those with whom we might have disagreed in the past."  

I know that when we do these things, we can often gain a friend, instead of losing one.  And although it often seems more comfortable to gravitate toward people who think like we do, if we are strong enough to show love for those with whom we disagree, we may find a friendship that can weather any storm!  This is yet another way that we can emulate the Savior.

So that was our semblance of a lesson.  I normally like to get more in-depth with my children, but talking about it over a number of days also helps to peel back the layers of meaning in a talk.  I think this is an important topic for children and adults...an important skill to have in relationships in general.  So, I'm sure we'll talk about it more as the days go on.

Alright, I've got some work to do.  Hope you have a great Monday!

You can find the rest of our General Conference lessons here.

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