As I was leaving church on Sunday, I spied a stack of ancient-looking
Family Home Evening Resource Manuals on a table marked "free". My husband had suggested that we use one of these old manuals as our main source for Family Home Evening lessons this year, a suggestion that I had scoffed at originally. Since they were free, I took them home to have a look. After reading just one lesson, I'm changing my tune. There seems to be some very valuable wisdom to glean in these books--lessons that are, more than anything, a primer on good parenthood! You might want to read on to school yourself...I know I learned and was reminded of some good practices that I plan to emphasize in our parenting moving forward.
Lesson 25 "Children at Sacrament Meeting"
Objective: "Help your children to learn appropriate behavior for sacrament meeting." I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Unlike other churches, our children are welcome and expected to attend the main and most sacred meeting in which we partake of the Sacrament. Instead of being sent to a nursery, families worship together. This can pose a challenge for parents in instructing their children how to site quietly for a long period of time. (Understatement of the year, I know!)
When I first became a Mom, the message that I got by watching others was more of "sacrament meeting survival". All I knew from watching other young mothers in my ward was that the cardinal rule of church was "never run out of cheerios". That worked ok, until my kids grew out of an acceptable age for snacking at church, and I realized that I had created a problem by teaching them that it was ok to eat in the pews!
Then there were the toys and books that we brought, which only caused fights to break out as we added more children to the mix. My mother-in-law told us that when she took her seven kids to church they each were only allowed one notebook and one pencil (not a pen or crayons), and they only came out after Sacrament was finished. We eventually gave it a try, and it definitely worked better than what we were trying.
Still, we needed an approach that would help our children learn how to behave in church that would be about their personal growth, and not just a trick/quick fix to keep them quiet. And I think that the concepts outlined in this lesson does just that.
At first, when I started reading this lesson, I found myself laughing aloud to myself, as I read their "True-False Statements" that were meant to help the adult parent understand basic concepts about child development. I thought the writer surely must have had a sense of humor, then I realized how dead-on the points were. Here they are:
True or False Quiz:
1. Praise spoils children.
2. Children need not be involved in decision making and planning before they reach the age of accountability.
3. It is helpful for parents to exemplify the behavior they want their children to exhibit.
4. A young child has a long interest span.
5. Everyday experiences, such as taking walks, meeting people, and looking at magazines, influence a child's behavior in sacrament meeting.
6. A child's feelings about himself can affect his behavior during sacrament meeting.
7. Young children delight in annoying adults by demanding their attention at inconvenient times.
8. Young children can make meaningful contributions to the welfare and happiness of the family.
9. The readiness for a good experience in sacrament meeting comes eventually to each child.
10. Parents have a responsibility to interact warmly and lovingly with their children.
Now for the answers:
1. FALSE: Sincere praise reinforces appropriate behavior. Often parents let a child know what he is doing wrong, but forget to praise desired behavior. Be sure to let him know when he is being helpful.
2. FALSE: Children need experience in planning and decision making on their level of understanding. Even parents of two-year-olds should respect the agency and thinking powers of their youngsters. Adults tend to plan for instead of with their children and only pretend to give them choices. Often choices have already been made for children when alternatives are offered.
3. TRUE: Parents need to be examples of the behavior they expect of their children. Parents are the first and most important teachers the child will ever have. By the time he is five, a child will have many basic habits established. A child is greatly influence by his surroundings.
4. TRUE: This answer may surprise you. The key word here is interest rather than attention span. Ask: What is the difference between interest and attention span? In terms of time, the difference could be from one to thirty or more minutes. Think how involved a young child can be in putting things from one box into another or playing in water or sand. Young children can be completely absorbed in an activity for long periods of time if they are interested in it. There is a difference between an interest that comes from inside and something that is imposed upon them.
5. TRUE: Children need experiences and skills in many areas in order to solve problems and enjoy the benefits connected with going to sacrament meeting. For example, a walk with a young child can help him if you take pleasure in shared experiences, focus on interesting features of our Heavenly Father's creations, extend his vocabulary for communicating with others, and help him feel comfortable in his world away from home. You can relate each fo these points in behavior during sacrament meeting.
6. TRUE: A child who sees himself as an individual who is loved, who is helpful, and who is learning and growing is more able to practice self-control.
7. FALSE: Children basically want to please adults. Their misbehavior often indicates that their needs for approval, affection, or empathy are not being met. Parents of unruly children may need to change their own behavior in order to promote a desirable change in their children's behavior.
For example, during sacrament meeting, parents who are impatient and disapproving when young children have a difficult time being quiet can often expect their children to misbehave. Discuss together how this kind of parent might change.
8. TRUE: It is a basic need to extend love and helpfulness as well as to receive it. Because of this, young children find pleasure in giving of themselves and in behaving appropriately.
9. FALSE: Readiness for an experience such as sacrament meeting does not just happen. A young child need encouragement, example, and practice in order to profit from sacrament meeting attendance.
10. TRUE: Children need parents who are warm and loving with them in order to learn appropriate behavior. Children need to feel that they are loved and respected if they are to develop their potential. Only when these needs are met will they feel the desire to give positively of themselves during sacrament meeting.
THREE MAIN PRINCIPLES
Note: The ten statements above can be summarized in three main principles that will help young children demonstrate appropriate behavior during sacrament meeting....and I'd add during school, at the store, at the library, or any other public outing where a strict code of behavior is expected!
1. A model of the desirable behavior is important
(point 3)
2. A positive self-image is important.
(points 1, 6, 7, 10)
3. Experiences that give practice in learning appropriate behavior are important.
(points 2, 4, 5, 8, 9)
The rest of the "lesson" had a cute family dialog that demonstrated how one family encouraged their children to act with reverence in church and how they helped the youngest family member to improve, by acknowledging her good behavior, practicing, and talking about ways they can feel the spirit and find interesting aspects of sacrament meeting. It was worth the read, but I think I've typed enough for one afternoon, so I'm signing off.
My kids were excited to receive "skinny strips of paper" in Primary this week with special assignments for each of them. Next Sunday, Scarlett will say the closing prayer in Primary, and Guy will stand in as the "reverence child". So we'll have a "big" Sunday coming up! :)
I hope that you find this lesson as helpful as I did!
There's lots of good concepts here that I feel requires pondering
and careful application to each individual family.
For another resource to help children listen in Sacrament Meeting see my Sacrament Meeting Worksheet that children can fill out as they listen.
