Teaching Teens to Avoid Pornography

As you know, we've been at family reunions/hosting visitors the last few weeks, but also during that time I was invited to teach a class at Girl's Camp about avoiding pornography.  

Although the outline that I am sharing here does not include all of the personal stories that I shared (I taught the class four times and it was different every time), I thought it would give you the basic idea, if you'd like to use this to help teach your youth the importance of avoiding the pornographic images, story lines, lyrics, and jokes that have crept into practically all areas of society.

When I was asked to teach this class, I immediately thought back to my own experiences at Girl's Camp, the place where I first realized that I truly do "believe in Christ."  The other experience that stood out to me was a talk given by a woman from my home ward named Debbie Ditto.  She retold a story written by Ardeth Greene Kapp called "Tragedy at Rayad." 

This little parable (included below) illustrates so well just how the adversary helps us to develop a taste for wickedness by feeding it to us in small increments.  At the time that I first heard this story pornography was not even mentioned.  Now we know that it is a major problem...and Satan's tactics, outlined in the story, can be seen as clear as day when we compare the parable to our society.

The other part of the class that I enjoyed was turning the word "virtue" into an acronym to remind the girls of how they can steer clear of pornographic influences.  I made little bead bracelets with the word "V.I.R.T.U.E." on it.  I had the girls try to guess what the letters stood for as we discussed each letter, and how each tactic would safeguard them.  

Here's what the letters stand for:

 Use V.I.R.T.U.E. to guard yourself against Porn:

a.       V – Visit places where the Holy Ghost is strong (i.e. church, temple, scriptures, YW, mutual, LDS.org, etc.) View material that invites the spirit and brings true happiness.

b.      I – Be Informed about the people you date or spend time with. (Ask the tough questions. Write in your journal now, the questions that you will ask the boy you date before you get serious.)  Be Informed about the material you read, movies you watch, music you listen to.  Read reviews from trusted online sources. (Dove.org, theliteratemother.org, kids-in-mind.com)

c.       R – Respect yourself & others.  Respect the covenants you have made and will make in the temple.  Respect your future spouse and children.  Respect other women by speaking against pornographic material in all of its forms.

d.      T – Be True to your standards of dress & modesty.  (What you wear speaks volumes about how you value your self-worth.  Do not send mixed messages.  Do not lower your standards for special occasions.  Do not evoke inappropriate thoughts in the minds of others by dressing immodestly.)  Being true means sticking by your standards always.

e.      U – Use the off button (much more often than you do!) Turn off media immediately that is questionable or makes you feel uncomfortable, but also turn off your ipods, etc in order to allow the spirit to communicate with you more easily.

f.        E – Be Modest with your Eyes and Ears.  Turn away from sexually explicit material, jokes, commercials, and TV programs that spoon-feed you small amounts of pornographic material until you gain an appetite for it.  Instead, do all that you can to “hunger and thirst after righteousness.”

Here is my outline:   Avoiding Pornography

Note: I have added three quotes from prophets that I neglected to include in my initial post, but which were shared in the class.  They are highlighted in yellow below.

1.       Read “Tragedy at Rayad” by Ardeth Kapp Perry (Ask the girls what parallels can be drawn from this parable.  What similarities do you see between the story and our society?  Who is Zynock?  And how are his tactics being used in our culture?)

2.       Define Pornography: “Any material that is designed to sexually arouse.”  (To make this definition accessible to all of the girls, we added that it is material that makes you uncomfortable (although you might not understand yet why), material that makes you blush, causes you embarrassment.

“Avoid pornography as you would the plague.” – Gordon B. Hinckley (How did the plague kill its victims?  How is pornography like a spiritual plague?  It destroys from the inside out.)

FTSOY – “Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way.”

Thomas S.Monson: "Pornography is especially dangerous and addictive.  Curious exploration of pornography can become a controlling habit, leading to coarser material and to sexual transgression.  Avoid pornography at all costs.  Don't be afraid to walk out of a movie, turn off a television set, or change a radio station if what's being presented does not meet your Heavenly Father's standards.  In short, if you have any question about whether a particular movie, book, or other form of entertainment is appropriate, don't see it, don't read it, don't participate."

3.       Why is Pornography dangerous to us? 

a.        It feeds us incorrect ideas about who we are and what love is.

b.      It is addictive.

c.       It changes our chemical make-up.

d.      It destroys families.

e.      It creates low self-esteem.

f.        It creates a culture that devalues women and children.

g.       It chases away the Spirit.

“Trying to avoid porn in our culture is a little like trying to avoid salt.  It is really difficult to do.  We are so surrounded by sexually provocative images that it is almost impossible to stay away from it.” – Wendy Ulrich

Gordon B. Hinckley: "While the matter of which I speak was a problem then, it is a much more serious problem now.  It grows increasingly worse.  It is like a raging storm, destroying individuals and families, utterly ruining what was once wholesome and beautiful.  I speak of pornography in all of its manifestations...The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that is is right at our fingertips and there is no escape.  Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you.  You find yourself unable to stop it.  But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you.

4.       For more clues, let’s look at Lehi’s dream in the Book of Mormon.  Lehi’s Dream:  What did Lehi see and how can his dream help us today?

Let’s compare the mist of darkness in Lehi’s dream to today’s plight of pornography:

 1 Nephi 8:23

23 And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost.

1 Nephi 12:17

17 And the mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil, which blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men, and leadeth them away into broad roads, that they perish and are lost.

1 Nephi 8:24

24 And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree.

a.        The “mist of darkness” in Lehi’s dream covers the path, causing those who had caught hold of the iron rod to fall into “strange paths”.

b.      It causes spiritual blindness and insensitivity  (“blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men”…leading them to seek after “broad” roads…they leave the straight and narrow.

c.       Think about mist.  Why would Lehi’s see these temptations like a mist…what qualities do pornography and mists share in common?  Because of its mist-like qualities, pornography can take on almost any form and enter almost any space on the planet. (i.e. enters our home through commercials/movies, a constant stream of internet available on buses, airplanes, in public and private 24/7, popular books, even school curriculum, lewd jokes.)

Ezra Taft Benson: "The prophet Lehi also saw our day in his great visionary dream of the tree of life.  He saw that many people would wander blindly in the mists of darkness, which symbolized the temptations of the devil. (See 1 Ne. 12:17.)  He saw some fall away "in forbidden paths," others drown in rivers of filthiness, and still others wander in "strange roads." (1 Ne. 8:28, 32.)  When we read of the spreading curse of drugs, or read of the pernicious flood of pornography and immorality, do any of us doubt that these are the forbidden paths and rivers of filthiness Lehi described?"

5.       Use V.I.R.T.U.E. to guard yourself against Porn:

a.       V – Visit places where the Holy Ghost is strong (i.e. church, temple, scriptures, YW, mutual, LDS.org, etc.) View material that invites the spirit and brings true happiness.

b.      I – Be Informed about the people you date or spend time with. (Ask the tough questions.)  Be Informed about the material you read, movies you watch, music you listen to.  Read reviews from trusted online sources.

c.       R – Respect yourself & others.  Respect the covenants you have made and will make in the temple.  Respect your future spouse and children.  Respect other women by speaking against pornographic material in all of its forms.

d.      T – Be True to your standards of dress & modesty.  (What you wear speaks volumes about how you value your self-worth.  Do not send mixed messages.  Do not lower your standards for special occasions.  Do not evoke inappropriate thoughts in the minds of others by dressing immodestly.)

e.      U – Use the off button (much more often than you do!)

f.        E – Be Modest with your Eyes and Ears.  Turn away from sexually explicit material, jokes, commercials, and TV programs that spoon-feed you small amounts of pornographic material until you gain an appetite for it.  Instead, do all that you can to “hunger and thirst after righteousness.”

6.        CLOSING:  If you HAVE engaged in viewing pornography…or if after listening to what I have said, you feel that you have room to improve, there is a way to repent and find healing through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Steps to healing/repentance:  “Get on your knees and ask Heavenly Father to forgive you.  Pray for the desire to do what is right.  Pray for the courage to talk to your parents and the bishop, if necessary.  Regardless of your fears, they will continue to love you. They know what kind of society you are growing up in.  You don’t have to do this alone.  The path of repentance, though difficult, need not be traveled alone. 

“The power and freedom of forgiveness is real.  The Savior taught, “The truth shall make you free.” Joy comes from living the way the Savior lived.  He has asked us to keep our thoughts pure. He has asked us to maintain our self-respent.  He has asked us to become a good influence on our family and our friends (to ARISE AND SHINE FORTH!)  We are to love them and to lift them toward the light.  He has said “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”  He has promised He will help us live His standards.  He has said: “Take my yoke upon you…For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The world is heavy at times.  Whatever weight the world has put on you, that life and living in a wicked world has placed on you, place that weight and that burden at the feet of the Savior and begin to live again.

7.        Hand out VIRTUE bracelets. Or print off V.I.R.T.U.E. Bookmarks here.

VIRTUE Bookmarks

TRAGEDY AT RAYAD by Ardeth G. Kapp

Once upon a time there was a little kingdom called Rayad.  The tiny people who inhabited this kingdom were call Rayadites.  They lived happily, sharing and caring about each other.  Life was good to them.  There were only a few things they needed to watch out for; for instance, chocolate cake or wearing the color red.  If any Rayadite ever ate chocolate cake or wore red, his spirit would become weakened, and he would care less and less about himself and the rules of the kingdom.
 

Also living in this tiny kingdom was Zynock, an evil person who wanted to destroy the kingdom and all of the people in it.  He hated for them to be happy and loving, for that made it harder for him to influence them.  He knew what weakened their spirits and made them easier to capture.  But Zynock also knew that he could not just offer the Rayadites chocolate cake and have them devour it - they were not that foolish!  Nor could he make the most wonderful garment in bright red and expect them to wear it immediately.  The Rayadites wanted to be good and strong.  They had promised each other that they would help and strengthen each other in time of need.  So how could Zynock weaken this people?  How could he get them to succumb to him so that he could destroy them and thus the whole kingdom?
 

"Let's see," he said, "I can't get them to eat chocolate cake right off, but maybe I can get them to develop a taste for chocolate."
 

That's when chocolate chip cookies were introduced to the kingdom of Rayad.  At first the cookies were ignored and scoffed at.  Then some commercials and billboards were produced that showed handsome, wonderful-looking Rayadites eating chocolate chip cookies.  And nothing happened to them, except they became more popular and sophisticated - at least that's what the message conveyed on the screens and billboards.
 

It wasn't long before a few Rayadites could be seen eating a chocolate chip cookies every now and then, and they seemed to be doing fine.  They were still loving and caring and hadn't changed at all - so it seemed.  So more and more Rayadites began eating the cookies.  What they didn't realize was that the portion of chocolate chips in each cookie had been doubled.  They were getting a double dose of chocolate, disguised in the cookie.  You'd hear phrases like these: "That cookie is really good except for a couple of places where it tastes pretty chocolatey.  But don't miss the cookie just for those two places.  It's too good a cookie, and you can overlook the taste."  "I heard that one of our friends has eaten a chocolate chip cookie, and she says it's nothing to be afraid of.  It won't ruin your life if you eat it."
 

That was true: lives didn't seem to be ruined by chocolate chip cookies.  Things were pretty much the same as usual.  However, some of the teachers and leaders and parents in Rayad suggested avoiding the cookies because tastes for chocolate were being developed.
 

"Avoid the cookies?" came the cries of surprise.  "What for?  What's wrong with them?  They're not chocolate cake!  How stuffy can you get?"
 

Some who refused to eat the cookies were even laughed at and made fun of.  Zynock himself started chuckling.  He had no idea his plan would work so well.  And Zynock was patient.  He didn't care how long it took to destroy Rayad, just so it was destroyed.
 

Chocolate chip cookies seemed to be moving pretty well.  Zynock didn't worry about the words of caution and counsel from the leaders, because his commercials and billboards were so exciting and enticing.  He had to make them that way, or the truth of the leaders would have swayed the Rayadites away from the cookies.
 

Now it came time to introduce a new product of destruction.  No, not chocolate cake, not quite yet.  Rather, Zynock began advertising spice cake, white cake, yellow cake, carrot cake, any kind of cake but chocolate - but all with chocolate frosting, rich chocolate frosting.  More commercials, more billboards, a few songs to hum and sing all day about how wonderful chocolate cake would be, although they're not eating it - yet!  Get them thinking about it before they will actually succumb.  Then in the kingdom of Rayad, you could hear:
 

"Have you tried that yellow cake with chocolate frosting?"
 

"Well, no.  Is it good?"
 

"Oh, yes!  Granted, it is chocolatey, but it's not chocolate cake.  And it really doesn't have much more chocolate than those cookies we've been eating!"
 

"But the cake doesn't seem right.  I mean, cookies are one thing, but cake?"
 

"Ah, come on!  The important thing is the chocolate, and this is no more than you've already been eating.  Everybody's eating it.  You can't pass it up and be the only one left out."
 

In the meantime, the songs were subtly strumming away in the background, singing the praises of chocolate cake.  Right, the words were not good, but the beat and the rhythm were so cool that many Rayad's listened just for the music.  After all, what can music do?
 

Zynock began thinking again: "One thing that strengthens those Rayadites is when they are together talking to each other.  What can I do about that?"  Then he reasoned, "Well, it's all right for them to be together.  In fact, maybe there is some way I could use their gatherings and parties for my purposes.  Aha!  I've got it!"
 

So parties in Rayad began changing.  Instead of the Rayadites talking to each other and playing games so they could get to know one another and share their strengths and talents, a new trend began.  Everyone who was anyone had the new kinds of parties.
 

"Have you been to a party over at our Rayad friend's place yet?"
 

"No, I haven't."
 

"You should go.  It's really cool!"
 

"Oh?  What do you do?"
 

"Well, it isn't like any other party you've been to.  It's pretty cool.  All you do is go and sit down and watch stuff on the screen."
 

"Stuff on the screen?  Like what?"
 

"Oh, exciting, scary stuff that's pretty good.  There are a few scenes showing people eating chocolate cake, but no 'biggy.'"
 

"People eating chocolate cake?  But..."
 

"Oh, it's not bad, and besides, there's nothing anymore without a little bit of that.  It's just fun to get together with your friends."
 

So Zynock stood back and watched his plot unfold.  "Let's see now.  They're eating chocolate and they're eating cake.  They're listening to songs and watching movies about chocolate cake.  They're becoming weaker and weaker, although they're not even aware of it yet because they haven't actually eaten it - yet!  They are falling into my trap!  They think their leaders and parents are square and stuffy.  It's very helpful when their friends tell them what I want them to hear.  Friends are my greatest asset!"
 

"Hey!" says a friend Rayadite, "have you seen the latest movie?"
 

"No," comes the response.  "I thought it was C-rated, for chocolate."
 

"No, it isn't.  It's R-rated for Red.  There's no chocolate in it."
 

And so Zynock continues his plotting - this time a gorgeous garment, but not in red...yet.  It's a luscious pink color. 

Teaching Teens to Avoid Pornography