I am 31 years old, and I know next to nothing about a substance that roughly 50 percent of my peers partake of regularly--alcohol.
I realized this while watching a beer commercial on TV the other night. In the 30 seconds or so that the ad ran, I quickly scanned the recesses of my mind for any scrap of knowledge on the subject. This is what I came up with. Beer comes in cans, bottles, and sometimes kegs. I am pretty sure I could recognize the smell of it, but I couldn't describe it to you off-hand.
Most of the useful stuff I know about alcohol, mainly pertains to methods of avoiding it. For instance, when you are eating at a nice restaurant and you want to discretely let your server know that you are not drinking the beverage they are offering, you can turn your coffee cup over on its saucer, cover your wine glass with one finger or ask your server to remove your glass all together. I'm secretly pleased with myself for knowing these trivial bits of etiquette, antiquated or not--it's as cultured as I get on the topic.
I'm not sure what my friends think about my complete ignorance of the fine art of wine-tasting. I suppose I am somewhat of an oddity to them in this regard. The phrase, "He's not drinking the kool-aid," comes to mind. This phrase, with a pretty dark origin, is commonly used to indicate that someone is not buying in to a line of thinking that is not quite right, but which everyone around him thinks is just peachy.
When I lived in Cincinnati, my guy-friends all thought it was great fun to drive past this large alcoholic drink manufacturing plant where they apparently made peach schnapps (yes, I had to look that up). When we passed the facility at night, they'd roll down the windows all the way. That blast of fresh air brought with it the smell of peaches, so thick and sweet, that even now I can smell it just by thinking of it.
I am 31 now, ten years past the legal drinking age, and I still don't know what alcohol tastes like.
But here are some things that I do know:
Some things in life look, sound, and even smell really good, but that doesn't mean that they are good. And although, I am eager to experience everything that this life has to offer, there are some things that I probably never will...and that's just fine with me.
To learn why Mormons don't drink alcohol, read on: